Lost Ones.

Showed love to you niggas, you ripped out my heart

And you stepped on it, I picked up the pieces before you swept on it

Goddamn this shit leaves a mess, don’t it?

Shit feelin’ like death, don’t it?

Charge it to the game, whatever’s left on it

I spent about a minute, maybe less on it

Fly pelican fly, turn the jets on it but first I shall digress on it

Wasn’t I a good king? (Maybe too much of a good thing, huh?)

Didn’t I spoil you? Me or the money, what you loyal to?

I gave you my loyalty, Made you royalty and royalties

Took care of these niggas lawyer fees, And this is how niggas rewardin' me.

Damn.

I haven't had time to write this. But this post is a few weeks overdue. I learned a lesson that I didn't want to with a person I didn't want to. That lesson is depicted in the picture above. It's always the people who are closest to you that do you the worst. No one can hurt you like family or close friends. They simply KNOW too much. This post will only scratch the surface, but it isn't mean to talk negatively about anyone. The 'friend' i'm referring to here is a good person... what they did to me was fucked up and we're no longer cool, but that's just me. ...The circle got smaller, the castle got bigger, the walls got taller and truth be told after all that said I'll always still have love for you....


Trust was never an easy thing for me. I've been hurt by the people who are supposed to care for me on numerous occasions. From my parents on down. So trusting is hard. But when I DO trust, I trust you with my life. I trust you with every part of my being because I have to otherwise I can't trust you at all. That's what makes being betrayed by a friend so hard. People ask me if I think we'll ever be friends again and I said No. It's that simple. We haven't been friends for a long time apparently. However long of a time it was that you started kicking my back in, that's when we stopped being friends. I can't pretend i'm innocent. I've said some things I shouldn't have. I've done some things I've shouldn't have. But I would never do what has been done to me. On August 1st, 2011, I lost a friend that I thought I'd have until I got old and died. Everyone grows apart but I never saw that for us. "We had governing, who woulda thought the love would end?" I couldn't and REFUSED to see this.

Atleast a true friend stabs you in the front. That's how I know at some point our friendship was real. At some point I could trust him. Cause after he did what he did he called me to proclaim he had done it. It's crazy. Our whole friendship long I'd refrain from telling him anything because my instincts (and other people) said to watch it. But it was always the same thing "I'd never tell anyone anything that you ever told me". So, if in fact I did tell you something or you did think you knew something.... the fact that you went and told someone else because you simply felt like it means that you blatantly betrayed our friendship. There is never a good reason for that. I'm far from stupid, so I'd be lying if I said that logical reasoning doesn't suggest that his motives were far from pure. I won't go into it, but I got an idea of why this happened.

I don't hate him. I honestly think he's a good person. He just wasn't to me. I could never stand to be around him again. Even in the same room. Atleast not for a long time. I get this...almost enraged feeling when I even think of what a conversation between us in person would go like. I won't be over it for awhile. Hurt people, hurt people. And this whole situation definitely hurt me. I'm more upset at what it did to my mental state, ya know? I'm questioning everyone and every motive. I'm cutting off people who've never done anything wrong to me and tying up every lose end. It's unfortunate, because every friendship I form from now on I'm going to have to over analyze. I don't even want to be put in this situation again, and I think I handled this very well considering what my first reaction was, what my first instinct was. I was vulnerable to this. I won't be again. Believe that.

The lesson here? Well, I think there are lines from a few songs that could say it better than I ever could. I'll let Lauryn Hill, Nasir Jones, Kim Jones and Shawn Carter teach this one.

Watch those niggas that are close to you. And Make sure they do what they supposed to do. Cause u know they're thinkin about smoking u. Never personal Nowadays it's the ways.

- Nas FT. Foxy Watch Dem Niggas

Beware of the false motives of others. Be careful of those who pretend to be brothers. You'll never suppose it's those who are closest to you.

- Lauryn Hill, Forgive Them Father

Every nigga around you is a reflection of you when you were at the lowest point in your life, These niggas want to catch you slipping, don't let them catch you slippin.

...It's a foul game, no such thing as fair play and real niggas get railroaded every day.

.....Cause it could be the ones that you laugh and joke wit

......The ones you smoke wit, and sold your coke wit, set you up for the right piece of change

- Lil Kim, Slippin

...But I’m bullet proof, bitch you can’t get nothin’ past me

Got body armor (A nigga gotta watch the throne)

And I’m bussin’ back so niggas in a glass house should not throw stones

What do you do when the love turns to hate?

(Gotta separate from these fuckin fakes)

Caesar didn’t see it so he ceased to exist

So the nigga that killed him had keys to his shit

Am I my brother’s keeper? (Only if that nigga don’t creep up)

Got a pistol under my pillow (I’ve never been a deep sleeper)

Paranoia (cause the nigga that said he’ll)

Blast for ya (is not) blastin for ya, that’s an assassin for ya

(You niggas got a shot there? Shoot.)

Please lord (forgive him) for these niggas (not know) what they do

-Jay Z, Why I Love You