"I was cool with no commitment / wait, let me take that back it was you so I was with it / guess I didn't get when you showed you didn't miss it. Now it seems that you're interest ain't here and we ain't the same." - Is She The Reason (Destiny's Child)
(btw...this was written awhile ago...but it's a good story so I thought i'd share)
Damn. I'm sitting here rereading a text message that was sent to me last night. I asked a simple question, but I didn't really want to know the answer. I hate when I do that. There's this guy I've been dealing with for quite some time now off and on. Honestly, it started the way most m2m relationships start... He was cute, we hit it off, we slept together, and then we did this weird "dance" of calls/texts and pretending to be more in each other's life than we actually were until recently he started barely calling me at all.
Now, I'm normally not the one to play the desperation game. But I had called him three times. I had texted him more times that I'll admit publicly. Now I could sit and pretend that he was busy, hurt, his phone broke, etc... but the fact is: I was being ignored. I could have lied to myself but honesty with yourself is always the best policy. I had to wrap my mind around the fact that someone else was occupying his time.
What sucks the most about when we find ourselves in situations such as these is that we can't even be mad. Mad at who? Mad for what? With him, we were always "chill" because it was always a "no strings attached" thing. He'd often tell me about the boys who were crying/falling all over him and I'd laugh with him at their pain / anguish. And these boys? I've seen them get DESPERATE. They'd spill their hearts out in texts that were too long to fit in one message and we'd laugh. Sometimes I even sent the responses for him. I can't help but to wonder.... is that what happened to the texts I sent? Does he have some other nigga, some other version of me reading what I sent? No ma'am I'm not here for that.
So the text I sent? "Is that how we doin it?" His response: "What do you want from me?" My response "Nothing. Have fun with that boy" His response: "I did." I didn't want to hear that. So, I did what any other self-respecting man who just lost his own war of words would do. I hit up Orange Motha (lingo...you'll pick it up later, lol), she's always there when you need her. I couldn't even believe I let myself fall for this clown. He showed me EXACTLY the guy he was, and my feelings got all caught up anyway....After this day though, we became strictly friends.
Point of the story? When someone shows you who they are, believe them. He showed me he was only DTF, but for some reason me being "Captain Save-A-Hoe" I thought I could change him. Partially because he made me feel different, partially because I was just like all the other people we laughed at: I wanted him to want me. Men, however, are not like Mr. Potato Head. We cannot put them together as we see fit. And as far as the no commitment thing? I think it only works for one night stands, folks. If it's gonna be an ongoing thing expect some sort of feelings to form. Remember it's all fun and games until someone catches feelings, and you better hope at the end of the day that someone isn't you.
ps. My life isn't all about casual sex, boys who ain't shit and gay drama. this is only the 3rd post, stay tuned. :)
-CJ4TheKids
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